The Baron knows its been a while since we last talked and he wants you to know that he still despises each an every one of you. The Baron has been extremely busy with his harem, namely, The Baroness found out about said slut corral and his eminence has been hiding in the basement of his chalet in the Urals ever since.
Seriously though, The Baron heard a conversation on the train today that made him vomit vast curtains of bilious mucus all over the baby carriage in front of him.
Here's the discourse in question:
Insufferable wench: ....we'll see whether Chase calls tonite.
Insufferable friend: "Why wouldn't he call?"
IW: Well, he likes to sleep around with other ladies, you know, try his luck on a Friday night.
IF: "He sounds like a jerk."
IW: "No, Chase is a great guy, he just has a short attention span and gets distracted by every new, shiny thing. I'm just happy to be one of those shiny things."
WHOA!! FREEZE FRAME!!! There's really no point in going any further. Ok, let The Baron point out a few things he was able to deduce from the conversation to this point. Mind you The Baron had yet to see the woman in question.
1. IW is fat, not circus fat, but just enough to be disgusting.
2. Also she has a moon-shaped, freckly face.
3. She is between 28 and 35.
4. Chase is the biggest douchebag in the history of the world.
5. Chase is blonde, with a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow.
6. He fancies himself a ladies man.
7. But he's the wrong kind of ladies man. E.g. he goes after big dumpy sows and ugly chicks.
8. IW's friend is fed up with IW's shit and actually wishes her specific harm.
9. IW has the IQ of a block of sandal wood, but the aroma of cheap deodorant and sweaty feet.
Well, how do you think The Baron did? If you answered, I bet she was a charming, young, attractive woman, report to the Rapeosaur Pit for re-education.
Holy shit was The Baron ever dead on!!
Big, fat, messy, freckles out the wazoo, voice that could nag the dead. The Baron could literally hear commuters eyes rolling.
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