The Baron's Thriller Novel : Part 10

Eastern Switzerland, 545Am

Roy's bones ached from the night chill of eastern Switzerland. He had spent the better part of the evening laboriously navigating the side streets and rural ways of this pretentious and extremely backwards country. He didn't have the time to sleep and her dared not stop at an inn.

The Escort he was driving had made his trip all the harder. From it's maximum speed of 46MPH to its factory-bottomed out suspension to its 1.9 gallon petrol tank, the fetid shitbox was exhausting to drive.

After hitting 15 dogs, 6 pedestrians and 12 parked cars, Roy had arrived at his destination in the early morning hours and parked to wait out the sunrise and his target's appearance. Roy had reviewed his plan over and over again and concluded that it was very risky.

However, he didn't have much of a choice. This person he sought was extremely powerful and could bring her considerable force to bear with alarming ferocity. She could make a powerful ally, or a fearsome enemy. The only question which remained was whether she would help Roy, or deliver him into the hands of his pursuers?

An icy wind howled over the expansive lawn of the Grandville estate and buffeted the flimsy sheet metal of Roy's vehicle. The numerous bullet holes whistled in protest as cold jets of air pulsed into the reeking interior of the car. Roy hunched down into a ball in the rickety driver's seat and rocked to and fro, trying in vain to generate even a modicum of heat. As if in response to his misery the first twinkling rays of the sun crested the frozen hills and the snow drifts began to sparkle.

The mansion sat upon an enormous tract of land which included a glacial lake, a pair of craggy mountains, a series of streams and nearly 40 acres of manicured country side in the Victorian fashion. It was nearly unheard of for a citizen to own such vast properties in the functionally retarded state of Switzerland, especially by someone not of the established gentry.

But the woman who owned these properties was no Count Von Fuckleberg or Princess Cuntbridle of Smegmapoli. No, she was an industrialist, a self made billionaire and a coldly logical strategist.

Theodora Anneline Grandville was the granddaughter of a notorious claim thief during the Yukon gold rush by the name of Theodor "Tex" Grandville who had accumulated a vast fortune through murder, intimidation and shady legal dealings. Her father was a snobbish and indolent man named Baron Grandville. As a result of Theodor's obsession, that his son wouldn't do a lick of real work in his life, the junior Grandville developed into a colossal pussy. Her mother was just that, an enormous prostitute named Missy who died of consumption mere weeks after Theodora exploded from her cavernous snooch.

Baron Grandville reveled in capturing transients in mining towns and the burgeoning slums about cities like New York and Chicago. These men were used in skeet shooting demonstrations for his plutocratic acquaintances. The feckless hobos were launched high into the air via catapult whereupon the Baron would attempt to explode them with volleys of grapeshot launched from a custom built recoiless rifle. Fragments of these unfortunate men littered the skeet grounds until a visiting safari-ist recommended importing a flock of vultures from the Congo. These great menacing birds handily resolved the issue.

Theodora was the only daughter of this useless sloth but for whatever reason she had inherited the loose morals and opportunistic ruthlessness of her namesake. She admired the vultures which adorned her family estate not for their hideous aesthetics but for the efficient manner in which they separated soiled hobo clothes from edible flesh and marrow. Indeed, she resembled those birds in their resolve if not in their appearance for she cut a ravishing figure as a young woman.

Now, even at the age of 75 she was a vivacious and effective as ever in her management of Grandville Lady Solutions Inc. Her company had been the principal competitor of Gimbel corp ever since Roy's father had founded it 50 years earlier. In recent years, her daring redesigns and revolutionary management of "pussy-problems" as she called them, had closed the gap, with GLS gaining market share at an alarming rate.

The one size fits all tampon, the Sneeze'n'Piss post partum urinary incontinence pad and most recently the "Omni-Flow" 7 day combo panty guard and tampon had been the bane of Roy's adult life. His creative department had been stunned by the eagerness with which loyal Gimbel's customers switched over to GLS brand products. The Omni-Flow alone had cost them millions in revenue. Theodora Grandville was the sworn enemy of Gimbel corp.

And yet...Roy sat in the expansive drive of her country estate willing himself to believe that she would help him to escape from his accusers. He wasn't sure what her help would cost him, perhaps as much as his entire share in Gimbel corp, but at this point he didn't care.

Roy was terrified of what would happen if the Poliz or the sinister Probe man managed to apprehend him and was thus fully prepared to do what he must to survive this ordeal and return to some semblance of a normal life.

It was now 630AM and the sun had finally torn free of the encroaching hills to cast its wan light upon the frozen earth. Exactly on time, Theodora emerged from the patio entrance for her morning constitutional. She walked briskly down a shoveled path towards the sparse wood on the edge of the property.

Roy sprang from the car lest she power walk out of sight and shouted as softly as her could yet still project.

"Theodora! Ms. Grandville!"

She stopped almost instantly and turned to face Roy, a displeased sneer upon her wrinkled patrician face. Her old eyes took a moment to focus but soon recognized Roy. A thin smile spread across her face and Roy suddenly felt exposed and uncomfortable. There was something about her expression which set his teeth on edge. Perhaps it was the superposition of a friendly facial expression over what Roy knew to be a blackened heart, he couldn't be precisely sure.

"Roy Gimble" she emphasized his last name "I can't say I expected to see you here at this hour...or ever for that matter."

"Maybe I'm unpredictable that way."

"I see...How's old Robert these days?"

Roy tried not to look surprised or agitated. It was impossible for her to know that Robert Gimbel was dead but she was so uncannily perceptive that Roy feared his facial expressions would betray that information.

"He's doing well enough for an old man."

Her mouth twisted ever so slightly and her smile spread slightly.

"Had she figured it out that easily?" Roy wondered, feeling himself starting to sweat despite the bone chilling temperature.

"Well I'm glad to hear it. This business wouldn't be any fun at all without some spirited competition eh Roy?"

"Haha, or course not Ms. Grandville." He replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Well then, I suppose I can postpone my exercise, why don't we step into the parlor for some breakfast. I imagine you didn't come all this way in that shameful excuse for an automobile to exchange pleasantries."

"Right again Theodora" Roy immediately regretted his choice of words.

"Again....?" Her smile grew another few degrees.

Roy decided it would be best to just keep his mouth shut and get inside before she tricked him into revealing Gimbel corp's most closely guarded secrets. After Theodora heard what Roy had to say she'd lose interest in everything else.

*******************************

A few minutes later they were seated in a wide, sparsely decorated room with marble floors, tapestry covered walls and an ornate painted ceiling. The mural depicted a bearded man impaling 7 naked women on the end of his spear. Their grotesque facial expressions seemed to pierce into Roy's very soul and he tried to keep from glancing at it.

"Admiring the ceiling I see?"

"Ah yes. What an odd painting it is."

"It depicts my grandfather as a young man fucking his way across the continent."

"Hmmm, it's splendid." Roy lied.

"Yet with all the women grandpa conquered, my father was his only child and I his. It's as if God gave them an unequaled drive to reproduce but forgot to include an adequate populations of swimmers."

"A tragic problem indeed."

"Perhaps, but I like to think that my father and I received the undiluted vivacity of our distinguished heritage."

"That's one way to look at it." Roy couldn't help but feel that she was already dominating the conversation. At this rate she was going to fleece him like a legless sheep.

"Now, I expect there's something you'd like to discuss with me....?"

"You're correct. And because the topic is highly sensitive I'm just going to lay it all on the table."

She sat quietly as Roy described the previous day's ordeals (omitting his father's death). He detailed everything from his epic bender to his framing for the murder of that disgusting manatee to his harrowing interrogation, butt-probing and escape. When everything was on the table, Roy sighed heavily, relieved to have gotten it off his chest.

"Well, my dear Gimbel, I must say that I'm surprised you ended up in such a sordid situation."

"I realized how it sounds, but you've known my father and I to be honorable men."

"Admirable competitors to be sure."

"I'd like you to help me get out of the country and provide me with a means of funding."

"I could secret you into Russia on one of my planes, and disburse a more than adequate cash flow.....but I'm not inclined to help a wanted criminal..."

That knowing smile returned to her lips and Roy knew what he must do.

"If you do this for me I'm prepared to authorize an amicable merger of our two empires."

Theodora's face remained stoic, but Roy knew she could not resist his offer.'

"We'd best get you out to the airstrip then."

"Thank you Theodora."

Roy rose and from the table and began walking towards the entry way.

"Oh and one more thing young man."

Roy turned back towards the withered vulture perched at the table.

"I'm sorry about your father. He was a fine man."