The Baron's top 20 All Time Favorite Movies

The Baron has many favorite movies and nearly all of them are far superior to yours. Do you want to know why that is? It's because you're a dim-witted assmaster and you don't understand movies. The Baron has been dumbfounded by the number of times someone has asked "Why did they do such and such at a particular point in the movie?" or "I don't get how protagonist ended up back in the city of gold?" when it is so blindingly obvious to him that he didn't even have to think about it. Eventually, The Baron realized that nobody, literally nobody understands movies the way he does. Now, The Baron isn't saying that you're a bunch of shit-for-brains dumbasses with the attention span of a fruit fly, but in another more accurate way, he is. It's just that The Baron is so far beyond you in terms of cognitive ability and perception that you seem like ants to him. So get ready for a list of movies that will blow your insignificant little mind.

1 Terminator 2: There is literally nothing bad about this movie. Formerly, The Baron was able to recite the entire script from start to finish in about 45 minutes. The amount of ass-kicking and sheer badassery is unparalleled in any other film. The Baron has seen it at least 40 times and will never change the channel when it comes on.

2 Terminator: Again, nothing to complain about. As a bonus you get to see Linda Hamilton's boobs for about 30 seconds in the mandatory sex scene in this awesome 80's action extravaganza.

3 The Matrix: The first of The Baron's friends got his driver's license and within 30 minutes he was seeing this movie. Holy shit talk about a shockingly awesome time! The trailers were so vague that The Baron had no clue what this movie was even about and as a consequence filled his pants with 3 different kinds of stains.

4 Avatar: The Baron hadn't felt this way in a movie theater since seeing The Matrix. He knew he was in for a treat when his jaw dropped during the first 30 seconds of the film. Just a perfectly paced unbelievably compelling piece of work. Now, The Baron would like to address directly people who recycle the perpetual complaint about this movie, the "Dances with Smurfs" argument and demonstrate how you're a mouth breathing suggestible retard. Do you not want to see this movie / haven't seen this movie / didn't like this movie because you've heard the story is the same as Dances with Wolves and that the film is therefore just a special effects extravaganza? Well guess what? You've allowed a single person's opinion to infect your mind like a virus through a high susceptibility to media / internet propaganda. In essence you're so weak minded that simply by encountering the same argument in multiple forums and in a repetitive fashion you've assimilated that opinion as your own. You're the type of person who is at a political rally one minute and is helping to round up Jews the next. You don't make your own opinions, you live in a world of social permissibility where being accepted into the homogeneous whole is the most important thing in your life. Try to be more like The Baron. Well, next time, try to be born like The Baron with a massive intellect and ice cold logical thought processes and then maybe you'll be able to think for yourself.

5 No country for old men: HoHoHoly Shit! Talk about a perfect drama. The acting was spectacular, the ending was haunting, the action was brutal and the tension was non-stop. Simply untouchable.

6 District 9 : A lot of retards didn't like this movie. The Baron is flabbergasted as to why that is. Oh wait, no he's not. People didn't like the racial messages in this movie because most assmasters consider themselves Tommy or Tricia Tolerance even though most would kill a sack full of black babies to avoid being moderately inconvenienced. This movie was tense, extremely well paced and ball-fistingly intense at the end. The weaponry was inspired and the sound rectum-quiveringly effective. The chief complaint The Baron hears about this movie is that the assault on the mercenary headquarters is unrealistic. Have you ever heard the expression "the closer you are to danger the farther you are from harm?" It refers to the fact that often times if you're on the run, the best place to hide is right next to the enemy. They'll assume that you would never be so stupid as to stay nearby and instead must be running through the hills. Fact is, this strategy works unbelievably well and that's exactly what happened in District 9.

7 Back to the future: Holy crap. Just Holy crap. This movie has everything. Time travel, shootouts, high school antics, sexual angst and 50's sensibility to top it all off.

8 WallE: The Baron doesn't cry during movies. This movie made The Baron cry.

9 Alien: Slick, terrifying and gut wrenchingly tense. The Baron kept the pair of underwear he had on the first time he saw this movie as modern art.

10 Aliens: Take Alien, add a shit load of weapons and a stone cold cyborg marine and you've got yourself the makings of an ass-kicking on 120 feet of VHS tape.

11 Predator: This is only one of 3 movies that The Baron knows of that make proper use of a minigun. The classic mistake is to use the wrong sound effect and have it firing much, much too slowly. A minigun is not a handcrank operated piece of shit, it is a death machine spraying a continuous tongue of fiery death at 80 rounds per second!. Predator was the first movie to use this weapon correctly (the others were Terminator 2 and The Matrix if you're wondering). Also this movie has one of the best lines in cinema. The governor of Minnesota, in response to a crew member refusing a dip of his chaw responds "Bunch of limp wristed faggots around here, this stuff'll make you a sexual tyrannosaur!".

12 My Cousin Vinny: Hilarious, utterly hilarious. One of the best endings of any movie ever. Also The Baron's schlong still aches for Marissa Tomei (sp?) as she appeared in this flick.

13 Over the Top: You like 80's movie montages, arm wrestling, and child abuse? You're going to fucking love this movie. Ridiculous! Sly Stallone at his best.

14 Aladdin: Once upon a time The Baron nearly cut his finger off with a huge knife. The only thing that could distract him from the gushing blood and nicked bone throbbing like a whale's dong was watching Aladdin. The greatest of all animated movies. This film has it all. Violence, sex and an inspiring score.

15 Jurassic Park: HooooooooooooooWEE! Way to take one of The Baron's favorite books and turn it into a blockbuster action-fest! This movie might be the single most faithful adaptation of a book ever. And the novel kicked The Baron's dick in the face with words and only words.

16 Silence of the Lambs: The Baron does not typically like horror movies, but this is the notable exception. Stellar acting combined with a ridiculous story and The Hannibal Lecter take this movie to the next level.

17 Tombstone: You're a Daisy if you don't like this movie. Badassness flows through the veins of this blockbuster western. Val Kilmer's portrayal of Doc Holiday is truly epic. The Baron loves to get sloshed and watch this movie.

18 The Last Samurai: Yet another one that retards won't like and as is typical for sheep, everyone hates it for the same reason: "It's really insulting that they had Tom Cruise be the last samurai! A white guy? How insensitive is that?!" Well guess what you fucking twit!? You didn't get it! God how fucking stupid can people be. The last samurai wasn't Tom Cruise you colossal shitdick! The last samurai was Katsumoto (played by the delightful Ken Watanabe) the emperor's right hand man. Remember? He got shot to death at the end? God you people are stupid. Can't you appreciate nuance or do you need to have things spelled out for you in the title of the fucking movie? Maybe that explains why every movie has a subtitle these days. The Last Samurai : Is Katsumoto and Tom Cruise Happens To Be Around When He Gets Killed.

19 Enemy at the Gates: The Baron loves, absolutely loves snipers because that is what he would be if he were in the army. Fuck standing toe to toe with a bunch of machine gun wielding assholes getting all shot up. Nope sneaking around amd perforating fools is the way to go. The best part of this movie is when that dude with the metal teeth gets shot through the head in midair. Also, they killed off the annoying little kid who sold out Vasilli. Fucking A right!

20 Cobra: Another great Stallone movie. Just fantastic all the way through. When Cobretti ripped that asshole's shirt off as a rebuttal to his argument The Baron shit the front of his pants somehow.