The Baron's Thriller Novel : Part 5

Zurich, 4:45pm

Roy Gimbel sat in a hard metal chair with no padding and no arms in front of a glaring, red faced Swiss Poliz Detective.

"So, Mr.Gimbel is it?"

"You know it is."

"Hey my main man, no need to get huffy." He responded with a small, shit eating smirk on his shiny Swiss face.

"Let's start over, shall we Mr. Gimbel."

" I already told you everything I know. Yes I had sex with that woman, yes I was drinking, and no, I did not kill her."

"Mmm hmm, mmm hmm. And when did you strangle her?" He said placing the tip of his pencil in his mouth, a quizzical expression upon his face.

"I fucking told you I didn't kill that fat bitch!" Roy screamed in exasperation.

"Slow down there, my main man. I understand why you would want to kill her, but I just need to hear your reason." He tented his thick sausage like Swiss fingers.

"Listen, I don't know how that woman ended up in my bathtub, but I was passed out drunk all night." Roy said, placing his right hand to his throbbing temple.

"Hmm, let me tell you what Mr. Gimbel, Mr. American boy. You think you can just waltz into Switzerland, get drunk on our wonderful liquor, murder Ms. Schweizmann and get away with it?!"

"Wait miss who?"

"Schweismann."

"Who?"

"Mr. Gimbel, you killed Viceroy Schweismann's daughter."

Roy hazily recalled Gimbel corps foreign adviser telling him about this Viceroy character before a previous business trip. Apparently the Swiss had some kind of candy land monarchy in place. They had a whole series of ranks and titles almost as impenetrable as a Swiss prostitute. Roy wasn't sure what a Viceroy was but it sounded as important as it did gay.

"Now you see, my main man, you are as the Swiss would say, up fuck-river without a goat."

There was a sharp rapping at the door, and a gigantic man in a white lab coat entered. He pulled a small cart behind him. The shelves were filled with many strange and bulbous looking metal instruments.

"What the hell is that?" Roy demanded.

"Ah, we need to take your prints for processing through the Interpol data base."

"Don't you just need an inkpad and some paper for that?"

"Guess again Mr. Gimbel. The European Union has perfected the art of Colo-Rectal Assisted Morphometry or CRAM as we like to call it."

"That better not be what I think it is." Roy replied timidly.

"Don't worry Mr.Gimbel, it's no more painful than being raped by a bear. Siegfried, you may begin."

The large man pulled on a pair of elbow length rubber gloves, squeezed a softball sized dollop of lubricant into the palm of his hands, and sneered as he rubbed it up and down his gigantic forearms.

*****************************

Vienna, 8pm

Ally Rivera was standing at a white board in a brightly lit task room in in the Austrian National Affairs Investigatory Office (hmmm, thought that would have the acronym ANUS, ah well, try and try again eh?). The marker was half dry, you know that irritating state where they seem to erase as much as they write?

"Goddamn piece of shit marker!" Ally yelled as she hurled the offending object across the room.

She scanned the crowd of four police officers, two detectives and two administrative records men to see if anyone disapproved of the display. Her hair twirled deliciously about her perfect, mocha colored face in a saucy and sextastic manner.

Everyone looked bored and tired, except for one of the police officers. His eyes seemed fixated on her luscious ass, dancing to and fro in their sockets, a queer smile was upon his face.

Ally had learned how to deal with these types early on in her career. The trick was to strongly correct the behavior. If she failed to act now, she would lose the respect of the gathered group of men. This was just the way it was in the boys club of law enforcement.

Without so much as a word, Ally strode across the conference room, stopped directly in front of the leering officer, and stepped roughly on his crotch, twisting her heel for maximum effect. He yelped in surprise and agony and crumpled from his chair.

"Do the rest of you want to pay attention to something other than my ass?" She inquired, panning about the audience to make sure everyone was listening. She saw only shocked faces. They had gotten the point.

"Jesus Christ Agent Rivera, why in the hell did you do that?"

"Mr. Busy eyes was looking me up and down like a complete perv."

"Ma'am, that's just the way Ruteger is, he has a problem with his eyes, can't stop them from roving all over the place."

"I..well..."

Ally glanced at Ruteger, he was doubled over clutching his crotch and moaning. His googly eyes were frantically pivoting about focusing on nothing in particular.

"I'm, I'm sorry Ruteger, I didn't know."

"Happens....all....the...time." Ruteger said between gasps.

"Well let's get back to the case at hand, shall we?" Ally offered. "What did the coroner indicate as the cause of death for Mr. Corkwald?"

A stocky agent with a huge, angry looking handlebar mustache cleared his throat and began.

"The official report states that a Mr. Corkwald died from thrombocytopenia induced hemorrhaging into the cerebral vascular space. The occult blood found in the victims orifices, holes if you like, was from the strain induced by a massive gran mal seizure which was induced by the cerebral bleed."

"So, let me get this straight Herr Mostac, the victim died from bleeding in his brain caused by a lack of platelets."

"That's correct ma'am."

"So why is homicide involved in this investigation." Ally asked, raising one eyebrow in an adorable manner.

"We were hoping you could tell us Agent Rivera."

Just as she thought. These men had been told nothing about the case. The Director was as cagey as ever. Perhaps it was better this way. Ally was free to conduct an unbiased investigation without the bumbling Austrian authorities getting their grubby fingers all over everything. She'd throw them a bone for now, get them started.

"Well, Mr.Corkwald had no history of clotting disorders. In fact he had been given a clean bill of health as recently as 2 months prior to his death by a trusted physician."

"He was an old man ma'am, old people can get sick pretty fast. My own grandmother was in perfect health until the day she was hit by a Citroen and died of a broken heart."

"Err...nevermind. The suspicious part of the victim's autopsy report is not that Mr.Corkwald died of a previously undiagnosed clotting disorder. Strangely, the victim was massively sodomized mere moments before his death."

"So he was a pickle sniffer out for a little back-alley sausage." Ruteger replied, seemingly recovered from his testicle smashing.

"It's a good thought Ruteger" Ally replied "but we actually think that the anus was the route of administration for some kind of toxin."

"Why not just use a needle? All you have to do is find a hidden vein, like on your feet, or the back of your scrotum, some place where your parole officer won't look..." the mustachioed man quipped.

Ally thought carefully about the question, subconsciously kneading the right side of her narrow waist.

"Normally I'd agree with you herr detective, but we're obviously dealing with professionals. They know we'd find a needle mark during a routine work up. But, no pun intended, the colon has a tremendous blood flow and a large absorptive capacity and is an ideal route of administration because any marks will be all smeared over with crap, nearly undetectable. If a suitable toxin were delivered there, say in a few ounces of warm, sticky fluid, a large dose could be delivered almost instantaneously to the circulation."

The men looked confused and uncomfortable. Ruteger's crazy eyes seemed to reflect the internal conflict each of these men must be feeling. Killed by being poisoned in the ass. What a way to go. Only Agent Mostac seemed unfazed.

"I want y'all to come up with a list of poisons that could have this rapid of an effect. We'll meet back here in the morning. Dismissed."

The men shuffled from the room, Ruteger limping the whole way. Only Agent Mostac remained behind.

"Yes detective?"

"Agent Rivera, maybe you didn't hear this from me, but I've seen a man killed like this before."

"Where? Who?"

"Back in the service, during the cold war, a guy in my unit."

"Go on..."

"I don't want to say anything more here. Meet me for dinner over at the Elk's Shaft on Austria Street in an hour."

"I want to assure you Agent Mostac, you can trust me."

"It's not you I'm worried about."

"Oh?"

"This is a dangerous business Ms. Rivera, you can't be too careful.

No indeed, Ally thought to herself. Suddenly her nipples were extremely erect.