The Baron can typically categorize any song he hears within the first few chords and this shit-smear is no exception. The process goes something like this.
"She talks to angels" ------identify-------folksy guitar-------whiny overly serious tone-----------------------drops of jupiter style lyrics-------Category identified-----
Caterwalling-pseudo-pain-fest Type IV.
Let's have a look at some of the lyrics in question:
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket (is she a hobette by any chance?)
She wears a cross around her neck (Nothing weird.....yet)
Yes the hair is from a little boy (good fucking god! she's a murdering pedophile eh?)
And the cross (is) from someone she has not met.....not yet (How in the fuck? Is that person Timecop?!)
The Baron thinks that writing those words out may have given him hand cancer. Or hand gonorrhea, that could just be some errant mayo though.
Dost thee have the fortitude to continue? Tallyhoo then!
She don't know no lover (How does he know, is he a stalker or something?).
None that I ever seen (Bingo, so the stalker is stalking a pedophile, is he Dexter?).
And to her that ain't nothing (Of course it's not, because she's not attracted to adults.)
But to me it means, means everything (Oh jesus, he wants to rape a virgin.)
Blech! Just Blech!
The Baron means, WTF radio!? This kind of shit can get played 10 times a day for 4 years but The Baron's experimental music gets sent back unopened? Is there something wrong with the lyrics?
The Baron's Girl (Has a Smoking Ass):
To the tune of Jailhouse Rock.
Let The Baron tell you a story about a fly ass girl,
She could flash her super-coot and stop the whole damn world,
But The Baron ain't int'rested in that damn ass snoot,
HE WANTS TO RAM HIS SLEEK TORPEDO IN HER HUGE DAS BOOT!
(Break from Jailhouse Rock tune for chorus).
(Resume Jailhouse Rock tune).
This classy-ass broad has an evil butt
And The Baron's the exorcist with the holy smut!
So stoop 'n' get that paper from the dirty floor.
WHILE THE BARON RAMS HIS HOSS THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR!
Talking about the Butt-blues.
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
Well The Baron plead his case in the court of tail,
And the lady seemed intrigued by his breaching whale,
So The Baron dropped his trow with an eager thrust,
AND RELEASED A RAGING STREAM OF HIS OL' PRE-BUST
Talking about the Butt-blues.
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
She could flash her super-coot and stop the whole damn world,
But The Baron ain't int'rested in that damn ass snoot,
HE WANTS TO RAM HIS SLEEK TORPEDO IN HER HUGE DAS BOOT!
(Break from Jailhouse Rock tune for chorus).
Talking about the Butt-blues.
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
(Resume Jailhouse Rock tune).
This classy-ass broad has an evil butt
And The Baron's the exorcist with the holy smut!
So stoop 'n' get that paper from the dirty floor.
WHILE THE BARON RAMS HIS HOSS THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR!
Talking about the Butt-blues.
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
Well The Baron plead his case in the court of tail,
And the lady seemed intrigued by his breaching whale,
So The Baron dropped his trow with an eager thrust,
AND RELEASED A RAGING STREAM OF HIS OL' PRE-BUST
Talking about the Butt-blues.
YEAH, The Baron's standard butt-blues.
Those agonizing butt blues.
Yeah the kick you in the nuts blues!
Ends with 13 minute Banjo solo.
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