Got a great, slowly smoldering kind of "The Baron Hates" for you today; the wrong side sidewalk walker. What a mouthful of monkey bust the end of that sentence was eh?
The perpetrator is invariably an old Asian woman or a girl who is decent, but not as hot as she thinks she is and is jabbering incoherently into a cell phone, possibly while listening to an ipod.
These assmasters break the cardinal rule of traffic flow (stay on the right side of the fucking road) on a daily basis and they don't even care. They think:
"I can walk where ever I want! This isn't the street it's a sidewalk."
Well, they're wrong! As wrong as an Armenian man with a testosterone producing tumor who thinks he doesn't need to shave the crap out of his ass hair.
The rules of traffic apply to every part of every day.
Driving a car? Stay on the right side of the road dickass.
Walking? Stay on the right side of the sidewalk fucknuts.
Doing somersaults into the women's room wearing nothing but a cape? Stay on the right side of the sticky, somewhat bleachy smelling tiles.
The Baron thinks that people should be arrested and tazered right in the butthole for violating this sacred trust between commuters.
So the next time you see a tottering old lady hugging the wrong side of the walkway, don't even bother asking whether she has a balance problem and lower your shoulder into her solar plexus, it's the American thing to do.
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