Things The Baron Hates : Social Smokers

There are few more pathetic creatures on this earth than the social smoker.

The Baron is positive you've met one. The conversation usually goes something like this:

you: ....yeah I think smoking is pretty gross, especially when chicks do it.....unless it's my hog.

Le deuce: Me too, except I really like to smoke at parties.

you: Why the fuck would you do that, are you retarded or something?

Le deuce: Naw man, I just like to smoke with other people, not by myself.

you: Goddamn!! You might be the biggest flap of camel scrotum I've ever met!


Here's the problem. When a person says "I'm a social smoker" or "I only smoke at parties", what they mean is "I've been so subconsciously dominated by tobacco advertising and traditional media portrayal of smoking and related products that my feeble mind has been completely co opted and I can barely keep control of my own sphincters due to my woefully pathetic mental faculties."

For you see gentle reader, the social smoker truly believes that sucking on a smoldering wad of dry leaves somehow makes them cool and anti-establishment. They still behave like they're in middle school if only in a single vice and they're unaware that their notions of superiority were entirely fabricated by a team of ad-men who have covertly fisted their brains into submission.

Social smokers think they're making a statement. They think they're resisting authority. They think they're proving their edgy originality to their friends. In actuality, they're proving how completely they've allowed the media to jam it's throbbing, crusty, crab-infested wang into the deepest sulci of their simpering brains.

At least real smokers do it because it makes them feel good.

Also, hipsters who are social smokers are the epitome of what is wrong with the universe and a compelling case for its immediate destruction.