Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Baron is Very Disappointed in Country Fest

The Baron is regrets to report that this weekend's Country Music fest was the site of an unconscionable atrocity.

108 people were arrested for public drunkenness (can you believe it has 2 n's? what the shit!) and 300 were taken into protective custody for drunkeness.

These numbers mark a sharp decline from last year when so many drunks were detained that they could fill the grand canyon half way to the top.

The Baron is immensely disappointed that such a proud, industrious group of people as country music fans could allow themselves to be degraded in this way. Kenny Chesney was so distraught that he accidentally plowed a snooter.

So, to avoid a repeat of this travesty The Baron is proposing a solution for next year:

A giant cowboy hat shaped billboard will keep a tally of the day's arrests and custodtianshippings (spelling?) so that the attending rabble will know whether they need to take their drinking to another level or whether they can relax and appreciate each others tattoos and motorcycles with spinners.

This may seem radical, but in the face of severely restricted tailgating time (they could not start until 1pm!) radical measures are needed.

These country fans should take a page out of the book of Loudon, NH NASCAR races, where the drinking starts at dawn and the gravel runs yellow with the piss of thousands. The last person to get arrested for drinking at this hallowed event killed Big E and pissed on Richard Petty's wife.

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