Thursday, August 20, 2009

Monster Quest is the Worst Fucking Show Ever!

What the dick is going on with the history channel these days. It used to be all about glory and technology and booze and now there's a bunch of gay ass shows about assholes who operate heavy machinery and wackjobs who are lying about seeing monsters.

Have you ever sat down and tried to watch Monster Quest? They start off with a bunch of teaser shots that make it look like they found something cool but they never do.

Once they were looking for a jungle dinosaur and they kept showing footage of what looked like a dinosaur. You know what they found? Not a goddamn thing, it was fucking CGI.

Even worse sometimes they do find something but it's usually a boring little pissant animal that you've seen Bear Grylls eat a hundred times on Man Vs Wild.

And another thing, why do the producers spend more time talking to slack jawed "cryptozoologists" than actual scientists?
Oh wait, The Baron knows why, because real professionals can't stop laughing when they hear some of the dick-bitingly-insane explanations these sacktits come up with.

In case you don't know there's about 1 actual, legitimate cryptozoologist (the rest died out in Victorian times when all the interesting new animals had been cataloged and BBQ'd) in the world and the rest are just fat white guys who like to play make believe in the woods.

The only episode of Monster Quest The Baron actually enjoyed was the one about rods, supposed flying creatures that show up on video and still shots. After a ridiculous 55 minutes of douche-assed cretins explaining how these things were real, a videographer proved that they were just camera artifacts in literally 2 minutes. Then they went back to the assholes and they still thought rods were real, what a bunch of deer-raping assmasters!

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