1. Reality doesn't really support our views, so let's make a misleading graph that looks like it does.
This one made The Baron's colon quiver with rage...and then erupt ruining the captain's chair on the forebridge of his Zepplin.
The story was as follows: Percentage of physicians not accepting new patients in MA climbs to 30%.
That doesn't sound like a lot does it? However, because the media wants there to be a health care shortage, they were stuck in a quagmire.
Media guy (pulling his entire arm out of a goat's ass): "But wait, that means that the vast majority of doctors are accepting new patients. But that's not the way we want it to be! We can't whine and carry on like the world is falling to pieces with that statistic.
Media gal (her face covered with donkey semen for some reason): "Hey don't sweat it, you can go back to fisting that attractive goat, I've got a plan, a plan that makes use of optical illusions, like magic eye, I'm told, although everyone knows we media types don't have the mental capacity for abstract reasoning."
And do you know what that ploy is gentle reader? A graph which tries to fool you into thinking that 30% is a lot by exploiting your deficit in estimating the area of rounded shapes. Behold!
Not as impressive when it's displayed in a regular graph is it. But wait "why would the media be so misleading?" you say "I thought the media was supposed to be impartial?" Hahaha, The Baron will let you in on a little secret: The news hasn't been the news since desert storm, now it's just infotainment.
Were you infotained? The Baron certainly was. He loves it when the news implies that he's too stupid to make his own opinions.
2. The Baron told you so, and a repeat of the former.
Remember The Baron's post nigh on Monday? The one about douchebags standing up prematurely on trains? Remember how one of the comments seemed to disagree with The Baron even though he's always right?
Well, The Baron has been proven right yet again! Because yesterday, in south station, a train didn't roll to a stop soon enough and hit the bumper at the end of the tracks, slightly injuring assmasters who were standing before the train stopped! Ha! The Baron told you so.
What The Baron wasn't amused by was the media's coverage of this event:
The Metro (a so called paper) referred to the event as a "crash".
Dictionary.com defines a crash as: (of moving vehicles, objects, etc.) to collide, esp. violently and noisily.
Whereas this collision was described by more reputable sources, such as the train's engineer as at: "At a very low rate of speed" and "..bumping the barrier." Oh yes, and nothing was damaged, except shit-dicks.
What's that you say: "But The Baron, a crash is more interes.....oh wait, I see, this wasn't a crash at all, this was like when you're parallel parking and you tap the car behind you. How did any of those assmasters even get hurt in the first place? Eureka, I'll consult The Baron's Yell Box. Saints be praised! The "injured" were premature door standers (PDS's) and hence deserved to be injured! Thank you The Baron!"
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