The Baron's Mailbag 005

LeVar Baron,

There are reams of empirical evidence regarding the punishment that greasy cheeseburgers rain down on defenseless turlets. Ergo, can a total prime babe do anything more unattractive than eat a GCB? The train of thoughts that sight causes is a train I let pass through the station.

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Dear Concerned Pooper

This is indeed a troubling issue. Namely, when a total babe eats gross food (super burritos, greasy cheeseburgers, suggestively shaped kilbasa, &c) does this mean she will destroy a turlet in the same manner that The Baron might?

After all, nothing could be more disgusting than a hot piece of bitch divesting herself of several liters of liquid burger leavings like an upside down poop volcano.

Thankfully, The Baron can assuage your fears with a short lesson in female anatomy:

Although the female would appear to be very outwardly similar to the male (with some obvious and awesome additions and subtractions) the female gastrointestinal tract works at 1/180th the speed of the male's.

This means that the female human need only dump out 2 times a year, once on Easter and once on Halloween.

The Baron knows what you're thinking, "Say The Baron, wouldn't a turd half a year old be enormous and disgusting?"

Hahaha, gentle reader, nothing could be further from the truth. Like a fine scotch, a lady turd decreases in volume and stench as it ages. The final "dump", if you can even call it that, is a thick transparent oil which smells like fruit loops. There's nothing wrong with that right?

In conclusion, women don't have the same response to disgusting foods as men so if you ever happen to be crouching on the seat of a turlet in the women's room and hear / smell anything out of the ordinary, contact The Baron Enforcement Corps because you may be voyeurizing a Changeling and they can be very dangerous when cornered.