Two Things Assmasters Say

You know when a new turn of phrase becomes popular? A phrase such as "talk to the hand", or "as if"? You know how as soon as your parents, or the news media starts using it, it's no longer cool and in fact makes you look like a big fat pair of sacktits? And that soon thereafter, the phrase falls out of fashion for 30 years?

Well, two of these insipid sayings have refused to die and seem to get more and more irritating with each passing year:

1. Not so much (petulantly).

Holy shit, The Baron can't believe this phrase was ever popular. This is the kind of thing that a shit-dick heard on some ass-fisting sitcom and couldn't wait to use on his eurotrash butt-blasting friends. The Baron can just picture the little shitfuck and his gay ass white converse sneakers, black fitted jeans and mac glasses with slim flannel shirt and it makes him want to puke on god's front porch:


"Hey, Blake do you want to go rape a horse tonite?"

"Not so much" (some sort of shitty little smirk on his asshole covered face).

"Why not pookie?"

"I'd rather rape a goat they're easier to chase down!"

The Baron is blasting himself with cold water, in the lab safety shower, also he is naked, really, really naked.


2. I'm good (condescendingly)

Now that The Baron has puked up everything in his digestive tract, and yes that includes feces, and yes he's been eating 8 super burritos a day for weeks and hadn't dumped out in that entire time, we move on to the second cumbag phrase.

The Baron believes this "gem" may have come from "friends", or possibly "seinfeld". Generally the way these things work is that some comedy writers, who are not nearly as clever as they think they are come up with a possible catch-phrase and instantly begin groping and penetrating each other in the dingy sub-basement where they live and work.

If the verbal diarrhea passes muster it is extruded during the next airing of the sitcom in question. Usually, it gets stuck in the show's thick fur and becomes hard and sticky. The show crouches down and drags its ass across the assholish faces of its audience, rubbing the catchphrase-berry off in the process.

It's always some smug bitch ass cunt who belts this one out and she always uses it when she can't figure a way out of an argument she's losing. Although how she can even make it to the bathroom and back is beyond The Baron's comprehension:


"Listen, Stephanie, I'm telling you, if you put that dry cleaner's bag over your head while you're driving, you'll just run over another crossing guard and get away with it because your dad is a rich cumfiend and your mom is a wealthy but vacuous piece of shit just like those girls on the hills who you want to be like even though they are fictional representations of stupid rich cunts and douchetards and you're a middle class sack-titted bitch with huge sunglasses, a fake tan and a superiority complex and you've willfully made yourself into a cum-filled ninny through years of reality television, you deluded, cock-biting waste of 110 pounds of meat! Will you please let me help you?'

"I'm good...' (batting her huge stupid eyelashes, above her blank bovine eyes beneath sunglasses as big as a car window.)

The Baron swore some 10 years ago that the 100,000th time he heard this phrase, he would murder an entire cubic city block (you heard The Baron right cubic, so don't think your hot air balloon makes you safe) no matter where he was, or what he was doing. Just a fair warning, the count is currently at 99,987, so be careful if you're around any shit-smeared assmasters or their dicktard cronies, especially if there is a vintage 1917 Zepplin parked nearby.