Kenny Chesney Might be the Cleverest Future Dictator of All Time

Everyone has heard of Kenny Chesney. However, not everyone can see his true intentions.

The Baron however is on to him. You hear that Chesney?! The Baron knows who you ARE!!!!

He is not the lovable, somewhat silly, possibly gay, ultra-popular country singer he pretends to be. Rather he is the most devious, diabolical man in the history of the world.

Take a look at a sample of lyrics from "Summertime" with The Baron's play by play analysis:

School's out and the and the night's roll in: Immediate, almost involuntary waves of warmth spread from nearly every person remembering the last day in elementary, middle or high school. Off the rip, we can all identify with this magical man. This is extremely dangerous.

And it's two bare feet on the dashboard, young love and an old Ford: Again all extremely pleasant memories for most people. Young reckless relaxation, your first car, giddy, fumbling, clumsy, potentially illegal teenage nookie.

Perfect song on the radio, sing along cause it's one we know: Universally pleasurable experiences.

Bikini bottoms underneath, but the boys hearts still skip a beat, when them girls shimmy off them old cut offs: Holy shit, this literally gave The Baron a telephone pole sized pickle and he knows Kenny's fucking trick! This is highly dangerous. Men will fondly remember literally every one of their thousands of teenage boners and women will remember wearing comfortable underwear that they could pee in.

Are you seeing the connection? Not only does Kenny Chesney have a rabid southern and midwest and southwest and the rural part of literally every state following, but he can even fool normal people into liking the shit out of his songs with ultra-virulent, brain-fuckingly hypnotic lyrics.

Consider the final verse and you'll see what The Baron is talking about:

Perfect song on the radio, sing along cause it's one we know, gather in denver, at my signal, it's a glorious coup, it's a thousand year reign, sweet summertime.

Holy shit right?!

Do you see as The Baron sees, or are you already too far inside his pocket? One thing's for sure, Kenny Chesney is some sort of dark wizard, or possibly one of the great old gods, returned to Earth to exert his brutal being upon humanity.


But then again, The Baron has an irresistible urge to obey Overlord Chesney and join in his triumphant disemboweling of the ENTRENCHED PLUTOCRATS WHO HAVE FOR TOO LONG OBSCURED THE LIGHT OF TRUTH!! THEIR GRUESOME DEATHS WILL MARK THE TRANSCENDENCE OF OUR NEW DARK LORD!! ALL HAIL CHESNEY!!!!

(The Baron is just playing along while he musters his own army. There will be periodic Zepplin drops of supplies and counter propaganda. See your recruiting drone, or feel free to tackle Colonel Battlemaster with your questions).