Sir Rasheed Wallace is coming to the Celtics and he is going to viciously impregnate all opponents. There are literally no words to describe how excited The Baron is...well except the following words.Having KG and RW on the same team is so unfair for opponents that it is bordering on a felony. Both men are known for their fiery tempers and brutal style of play. The Baron predicts that within the first minute of the first game of the season these two behemoths will have set an ally oop over some poor sap that is so demoralizing he will literally die! Rasheed will drag the shit smeared carcass in great circles about the Garden behind his donka donk pinto a la Hector. The Baron will laugh so hard that pieces of the mutton shank he just devoured will fly forth, soaked in expensive cognac. This coming season of NBA basketball is going to be a blood bath!
The Lakers ought to save themselves the pain of humiliating defeat and hand over the NBA championship trophy. While they're at it, they should cough up a few of the previous ones too. It's about time for those west coast pussies to play a real team. The Baron predicts that Sasha Vujacic will shit himself into a coma during their first regular season match up and Pau Gasol will likely devolve into some shrieking cave ape in his haste to escape.
Furthermore, there are now 3 people in Boston that can knock a lady up just by looking at her. The first, of course, is the dominating Tom Brady. The second is the big man KG. Rasheed Wallace will make a devastating addition to the Pussy-Posse and is easily the equal of its other two distinguished members. So, if you live in Boston, your girlfriend might be preggers right now, and that's right, RW is the father. If The Baroness isn't exploding with miniature mammals within a month of Rasheed's arrival, The Baron will kill himself in shame.
And another thing. Rasheed Wallace can travel through time! Have you ever wondered why he looks and acts just like a 70's ABA player? It's because he is a 70's ABA player traveling forwards in time to show us turkeys how the game is supposed to be played. When he wears an awesome headband and dominates the living balls out of his enemies he does it with such style and conviction that they often thank him for kicking their ass after the game. RW is an old school baller and a true gentleman.
Oh and then there's the warm up dance. The whole team chants in a circle around RW and he systematically points out opposing players as he dances to the beat. The Baron would literally shit his cape if RW pointed at him during this jive circle, even if it was through a TV! The ring of domination is literally the most badass thing that any team in any sport has ever done. If this rhythmic tradition makes its way to Boston the rest of the Eastern Conference should just forfeit right now because, goddamn!
GODDAMN!!!
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