A man who dared to have a mustache decades after their popularity waned, Tom Selleck has managed to become one of hollywood's most bankable and charismatic movie stars (even fucking the likes of Elaine when she had the hotter haircut).
Today however, The Baron would like to highlight his mustache's most famous role, the blockbuster, revisionist, cowboy epic, Quigley Down Under. Now for those of you who haven't seen this masterpiece of cinematic art, either buy it today, or leave and never come back (also if you look back at The Box, you'll turn into a pillar of mouse testicles; because The Baron is more creative than the real "God").
Anyway, let's have a look at this iconic mustache:
Talk about handlebars! You could grab onto those things and your fingers wouldn't touch on the other side. That's the kind of mustache that's meant to be dragged up the backs of supermodels while they writhe and arch in ecstasy.
But you're saying, "what about the goatee?". The Baron will tell you. That's not really a separate swath of facial hair at all, it's the mustache's nut sack. Yeah, that's right, Tom Selleck's mustache has testicles, and they're huge.....obviously!
Without a stout mustache, balls hanging free in full glory, a man can accomplish only piddling feats. So today The Baron salutes you mister Matthew Quigley for having the courage to punch Timothy Dalton in the face, and also throw him through a window all while having one of the greatest mustaches of all time..
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