The Baron's Mailbag 002

The Baron,

The frequency at which you frequent the MRH (Men's Room Hopper) has become a subject of lore. Will you please publish the diet that affords such divine regularity?

Signed,
Backed Up in Boston

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile



For those of you that don't know, The Baron enjoys a gastric schedule of incredible regularity and frequency. On an average day he will produce between 3 and 6 baby crocodiles at a tempo you could set your watch to. The typical times and descriptions are as follows.

615AM: An often massive and overpowering dump. The 615 train has been known to wake The Baron before the alarm goes off like a stoat trying to escape from his rear hatch. This breakfast burrito is usually facilitated by an infusion of coffee which ratchets up the threat level from orange to chestnut.

1030AM: An optional second dump with lower intensity and urgency. Often a small pile of breakfast sausages.

130pm: The post lunch dump. Not 5 minutes after the conclusion of the meal, The Baron is grimacing and kicking like the turlet was strangling him from behind. Classically this log takes the form of a long, thin kielbasa.

430pm: Another optional, often a truncated lincoln log.

7 pm: The post dinner dump. Not a whole lot of substance, often very floaty and loose.

So what does The Baron eat to achieve this level of rectal greatness? It's simple.

coffee for breakfast

peanuts, a sandwich / cereal and a banana for lunch

a snack of cheese nips at 330pm

A dinner often consisting or large amounts of rice, beans and cheese or vegetable fajitas.


The Baron firmly challenges anyone to try and match these feats, but he warns you to buy some cotton TP. This rough work stuff is ravaging his BK.