Heinous Commercials: Crazier than a fox!

The Baron wanted to let his fans in on a secret money making plan. You'll be raking in the cash. We're talking quit your job money! Oh wait, we're actually talking about a pyramid scheme. Does it make you sad to know that people still fall for this shit? Let's delve into this cumpile of a commercial.

We start off with a fox apparently planning to rob a bank. Unfortunately for him, he looks like a child's crayon drawing of a flaming rabbit having sex with a hot dog bun. At this point any viewer should be angrily saying "What kind of sheep-fucking excuse for a commercial is this?" instead of "You know what? Foxes are known for being clever, well cartoon foxes anyway, the real kind are all sorts of rabid."
But wait, if the fox made you suspicious perhaps he can alleviate your concerns with a smiling, average looking white gentleman. Man does he look happy. It's a story as old as time. Man gets rich, man goes to back and gets his money in check form. That way when he wants to buy something it's as convenient as going back to the bank and cashing his check thus completing the delicate circle of finance. Seriously though, the last time The Baron smiled that hard at a bank was when the check was payable in Rachel McAdams BJ's, in his frustrating, erotically savage dreams.Next, the crazy fox proves that his system will work for anyone, even a black lady. Nothing says "not racist" like implying it's so easy even a minority or a lady can do it. Look she even has a car! A nice car.
But wait, even hot white ladies can easily make "vacation home cash" by following the cartoon fox's teachings. But for some reason they still can't parallel park without hitting the curb, or the mailbox, or the fencepost, or the car behind them, or the one in front....&c.
Now comes the kicker. The one piece of information that lets you know this commercial and the valuable service it provides are totally legit. The url. Crazyfox200.com. I mean wow. If it was crazyfox199.com The Baron would probably write this off as a shill-job by some glue-addled retard if it weren't for the high, and therefore good number following the fox's moniker.
Man this just keeps getting better. The Baron can't wait to close his liquor mine, free his brewery slaves and start making real money. But you know what would convince him? A slow panning shot of the fox himself walking in an upper middle class white condo community.
Boy howdy! That footage proves two important facts. 1) The fox can actually walk, so we're not going to get FDR'd or anything. 2) The fox is not feared or reviled in the community like a scammer or cat rapist would be.

But wait, what kind of information packet will The Baron receive if he signs up for your wonderful program? Wow a snazzy pamphlet full of inspiring pictures and powerful words....for free!!! Goddamn! So you're saying The Baron can have both success, a home, and freedom? Freedom?! Now who's the crazy one fox? Everyone knows the period of indenture to the feudal lord lasts 12 years. On the other hand, you are a fox, so The Baron believes your lofty promises.
Now we get to see what kind of luxury we're missing out on by not joining the crazy fox army. Wow! The Baron could be sitting outside in the sun with a laptop, clown drink and orange shirt! Sign him up! And look he's even glancing around cockily, as if to say, hey look at me everyone I'm rich.....fox-rich!! And what a mullet! Did he steal that look from Mongo Jerry?
Now as if to sum up what he must be thinking every second of his wealthy, blessed life he says "Thanks fox." Dizzam! Not only is he rich, he's humble too, and he owes it all to that delightful product of some sort of primordial cat-creature and a dino-dog porking softly in the primeival jungle.....of course The Baron is referring to the fox!And look! The black lady is living in what looks like a tasteful house and she bought a kid too! She must be Madonna-rich to afford to kidnap a third world bundle of joy! Although The Baron's liquor mine is filled with child slaves, he's never paid for a single one....well unless you count the midwife fees for his numerous buxom mistresses and concubi.
And what commercial would be complete without a hot white girl getting her mail from an ornate, cast iron letterbox in front of what looks like an expensive loft in south beach! The Baron is convinced, I mean this chick is making "get your own mail money"!!!!
But how does The Baron know the fox is telling the truth? Wouldn't a fox with this sort of foolproof moeny making plan be rich beyond his wildest ambitions and live in a spectacular mansion with numerous artfully trimmed lady foxes and ample, plump rabbits? And wouldn't he have an ornate, law-office like library in which to type his emails to Pentburrow Forums and check his swelling bank account?

Checkmate fox.....Checkmate.