Friday, June 5, 2009

Can I like Breaking Bad and still hate methheads?

I've got a bit of an ethical conundrum that needs solving. I love the show Breaking Bad so intensely that I can feel it in my weiner.....but at the same time I hate methheads so much that I envisage grisly deaths for them (dolphin rape mainly).

So the question is, can I love Breaking Bad and still hate methheads with a neurotic passion?

If you don't know, Breaking Bad is about an emerging meth kingpin starring the delightfully inept Bryan Cranston. There's sex, drugs, blood, gunfire, awesome music and me, in a diaper, because that show practically makes me shit my pants.

Then there's methheads. Useless, twitchy piceces of shit. This morning I was sitting on the T next to one of these fucking cum sponges, a lady methhead, and she would not stop fidgeting and banging on the pole with her fucking ring. I wanted to punch this scurvy bitch in the head. She was like a 50 year old kid with a full bladder at the Gurgling Yellow Liquid Trade Show. Oh yeah, and she was a talker. Is there anything more despicable than a T talker?

"Aww man this is bullshit, what the fuck, train is so slow." Looking directly at you, hoping you'll respond

Cut to me trying my damndest not to kick the bitch in the throat

"Well fuck you, fucking cowards" Resumes banging on the post.

Jesus fucking christ. Everytime I have to be on the damn train with one of these shitboxes I pray that a bear in a suit will be waiting at the next platform to strip the entrails from his/her greasy carcass.

Well I just realized the answer to my own question. Yes. Yes I can like Breaking Bad and also hate pathetic doped up transients and high school dropouts. You know why? Because I'd rather sit next to a person who arduously shit their pants while the train was stopped in a tunnel than a fucking meth-hole. Oh yeah, and a lot of the times I'm pretty sure those shambling wrecks of humanity did shit their pants at some point in the preceding hours.

Do I feel sorry for them? Sometimes.

Am I going to stop watching Breaking Bad because of my occasional sympathy? Absolutely not. I'm going to keep loving B.B, and keep praying that Mr. Bearly is reading his paper at the next station, wondering when he'll get to maul some sort of abusively stanky meat robot.

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