Sunday, June 7, 2009

The moment the Simpsons went wrong.

I've managed to pinpoint the exact second that the Simpsons went from being the funniest show on TV to a lamentable embarrassment.

It occurred in the episode "Beyond Blunderdome" first aired in 1999. When cartoon Ellen and whoever that other lady is said "We're lesbians!" I winced so hard that a cheeto shaped turd shot out of my ass and tore my underwear. At that moment, I knew the show was dead.

Maybe I had known for a while that the Simpsons wouldn't last forever, but I never thought the cold reality of its demise would effect me so profoundly. It was a bit like finding out that Santa doesn't exist, except if your parents told you that Santa got gored to death by Rudolf, who was then euthanized, and also, you no longer get presents, of any kind, ever.

What a sad, sad day.

For those of you who are true Simpsons fans I don't need to tell you that the show hasn't been funny in nearly a decade. Purists like myself believe that the series finale occurred at the end of season 9.

Anyone who thinks the Simpsons is still funny, is both wrong, and a drippy vagina.

There are some who fall into a tragic grey area of fanship. They realize that the real Simpsons ended in season 9, but continue to watch every episode in the vain hope that it will become funny once more. These people, no matter how dedicated and honorable, have severe psychological problems bordering on spontaneous vaginosity.

You may be asking yourself, "What camp do I fall in?"

Well you can join the Simpsons Samurai (those who deny the existence of seasons 10 and on), the Ronin (those who wait for the second coming with misguided optimism) or the Shitginas (The retards who still think it's funny).

Horrifying and diarrhea inducing fun fact: When the real Simpsons writers moved on to Futurama, they were replaced with the writers from Blossom. Fucking Blossom.

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