For you see, Mongo Jerry made epic music and overpowering facial hair. Have a look.
Wow, right? In a single, world changing picture the band displayed a mullet, fu manchu, saucy colonial spanish goatee, layered girl hair, straight up girl hair, and a helmet of what might be the most majestic curly-form-factor chops I've ever seen. Just look at those fucking chops!
These guys mean business and their hair is doing the talking. And do you know what it's saying?
"Hey, you, asshole. You'd better not touch our hooch, money or women or my chops will kick your ass to next Tuesday!"
and
"Speaking of ladies, I blinked, looked down, and six of them were fighting tooth and nail for my hog...which also has chops."
"My mulleted weiner is also besieged with lady lips....good work mullet, I'm giving you a raise!"
Enough silly business though, let's focus on those chops, the most dominant facial hair of the bunch. Curly hair is definitely a requisite for pulling off the full helmet-style mutton chop. Sadly, The Baron's hair is straight so he can never attain this level of glory. He spends his days rattling around his Zeppelin palace wistfully sighing and dreaming of the chops that will never grow. It's a tortured existence. But at least he still has Mongo Jerry to put a bounce in his step and represent as true titans of facial hair.
But, there's a dark side to those beautiful chops, for great facial hair is a risky business. You know how if a rat isn't constantly chewing on something to wear its teeth down they'll eventually grow straight through its brain? Pretty gross huh?
The same thing will happen with the guy's chops if he doesn't keep them in line. Eventually, they'll engulf his face and he'll starve to death or suffocate.
Pretty scary. But well worth it to have the kind of facial hair god must have. After all, god's one funky son of a bitch.
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