More Awesome Spam Email

So this morning I booted up the old email account and what did I behold? Two new, hilarious spam emails. Now, it's been awhile since one of these Nigerian princes has managed to penetrate my tight, silky inbox but I'm glad they did because these bad boys are tributes to the shitfuckedness of the English language

1) Farm beasts and sex-starved country sluts

continental buffalo
between the two in Dingle nominee) and
of the Rising you can check the following my Lil Sis’
Sometimes he tries to and watches the History Release:- 700MB to Japan - A © 2009 CBS conducted last November available on MU/ NL/ HF/ UP/

Things I like about this email:

a) Excellent subject line. It really lets me know what I'll be getting if I click on the obviously not infected link. Farm beasts, not animals mind you, beasts and sex-starved country sluts (my favorite kind of sluts! How did they know?). I guess the farm beasts are guarding the sex starved bumpkins, you know, keeping men away from their snoots. What else could they possibly be doing?

b) The farm beasts are accompanied by continental buffalo. Immediately I'm picturing a huge hairy buffalo in a tri-corner hat, breaches and a saucy blazer, lugging around a musket. Maybe the yankee buffalo are the farm beasts and their rifles are guarding the sluts. Awesome!

c) A dingle nominee. I can only imagine that the nomination is for a contest of who can pull the largest dingle berry out of their sweaty crack. It must be no more than 50% lint and no less than 40% poop. Dry sweat crystal are a gray area.

d) Lil' Sis. Good use of colloquialism, now I know you're a native English speaker and thus I put my full faith in your not suspicious at all link.

e) Sometimes he tries to and watches the history release 2009 CBS. Here's the clincher, sometimes he, I'm assuming one of the buffalo militiamen, tries to watch the history release, and sometimes, just sometimes, he succeeds. Also, the sluts, buffalo, and Lil' Sis are all sponsored by CBS so I would be a fool not to click on this link.

f) This email wasn't even sent to my address, it says it was sent to a litvin. How the hell I ended up with it is beyond me, although I am happy beyond words.

2) Haystack porking shot on quality tape

bisexual ambush
champagne bottle tricks, he in and are Mikoshi” is
for People magazine? Cass Sunstein I’ll be checking this and Recreation?Nicole Richie
going to be actually like that name! organized at the Ghana 2003 explicitly increased Medicare on CelebApprentice: You’re full links, [700mb de said to be considering

Things I like about this email:

a) A haystack porking is a rare event indeed. There are so many damn splinters and little bugs in the pile that you'll be lucky to reach penetration before her dad impales you with a pitchfork or one of you knocks over a lantern and burns the barn down. To catch the event on quality tape (Kodak 15mm right?) is a feat worthy of praise.

b) Bisexual ambush. I don't know what that is but I hope it involves bisexual women because otherwise......well I'd be curious to see.....I'm not gay....you know just never seen something like that before.

c) Champagne bottle tricks. Stop right there I already know what you're talking about. It's either that one where you knock some poor fucks bottle really hard and it shoots everywhere, or when you rap the neck with a saber and the top sheers off right?

d) Mikoshi in People Magazine. Oh....my....god...MIKOSHI!!!!!!!!He's like my favorite random Japanese name. AHHHHHH!!!!! I have to click this link!

e) Nicole Richie going to be actually like that name. It's about damn time in this Baron's opinion.

f) Organized at the Ghana 2003 explicitly increased Medicare on CelebApprentice. The G2K3EIMCA is like my favorite summer concert series. They have all the cool bands: Haystack Porking, Champagne and the Tricks, Bisexual Ambush and of course the legendary soloist Mikoshi!

Hmm, this one isn't guaranteed by CBS like the first one, but at least it was sent directly to me. All in all a great way to start the day!