Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sasha Vujacic Would Drive This Car.

There are a select few commercials of any kind that I like. However, there are literally thousands of commercials I hate. This Acura ad is in my top ten of most hated television spots of all time. Why? Because this is the exact car that Sasha Vujacic , the most despicable and pussytastic man alive, would drive.

Let's start off with the Dialog:

Sometimes luxury needs to howl at the moon, find a rare grass fed steak in a red leather booth and invite all its friends. A new generation has arrived.

Wow, just wow. Let me translate this for you:

Sometimes luxury needs to spend the entire Wednesday night out because daddy won't care if it's late for work and hungover. It'll go to some yuppy shithole where people in mac glasses and ladies that look like elementary school teachers hang out. Also, there will be rare grass fed steaks in a red leather booth because grain fed cows taste like shit and red leather doesn't stick to your ass like the regular kind. Luxury is also going to invite all its friends. In this case the car's friends are a Mac owner, twit with a shaved head and a black dude, surprised? Bet you though there was going to be an Asian guy too, the Mac guy can probably pass as Asian though. A new generation has arrived, by using his father's money to buy a 38,000$ car with an infuriatingly entitled ad campaign.

Pretty good huh? Alright well let's work through the still sh
ots of this shithole ad. Hmm, looks like New York. No surprises really. After all, there's a high density of D-bags in that godforsaken death maze (no offense to New York Dwellers, but you know it's true).Next we get to see the cock-monger himself. Your typical late 20's, grizzled guy's guy. You'll see him in half of all commericals advertising to men. The other half portray fat, bald, inept twits.
Sharp vehicle. Somehow I can't shake the feeling that I'm looking at a juiced up civic. But I guess it's worth the price. Look at how much more aggressive the rims are!
Yet another gratuitous New York shot. You have to remember that the demographic Acura is targetting here doesn't know how to step off an escalator without getting their shoes caught. The "next generation" needs to have things spelled out for them.
What did I tell you. The Nav screen says "Douchebag-ville, NY, NY". So now all the fuckwits watching know what to expect. At this point at least 70% of potential buyers have turned to the people they're watching TV with and professed a desire to move to NYC or LA. You know what though? There's a flash of something right before the scene changes, let's see if I can isolate it. Yep, just as I expected he's using the vehicle GPS to find his own penis because it's concealed behind layer after layer of douchiness. Look at the retard, he doesn't even know if he has a covered wagon.
Now something truly baffling happens. He shakes hands with his "friends". Although, who simultaneously has a Mac-tard (possibly Asian), a douchey shaved head guy and also a black dude as a friend. It has never happened. Also, the black guy and neo-nazi instantaneously switch seats. Does the protagonist stink? Is the skinhead hot for the Mac guy? They are known to be metrosexual. Now, for some fucking reason the dude's first grade teacher stands up from dinner to stare at him. Her husband is probably sitting there mouthing "What the fuck" to anyone who will look at him. And then look at the smirking lummox to the right. Just what the fuck is he doing? He holds that pose for a full 5 seconds. Would you eat in a joint with fucking Forrest Gump grinning at you like an asshole the whole time?
Next we get an American Psycho-esque shot of the protagonist looking confused and mildly alarmed that his teacher wants to fuck him in public. I think he might be the real life model for Niko from GTA4. Probably also a bestiality fan judging by the look of him.
Next the jizz-stain pulls up on an empty street outside a popular club. I've been to NYC a bunch of times and I've never seen an empty parking space. People fucking live in their cars to avoid losing their spots. And we're supposed to believe that a whole fucking street cleared out so this asshole could park his super-honda?
Inside, some fuckwits are playing guitars and people are evidently excited about it. The band is undoubtedly Coldplay. That's all there is to it. There are no other options.
Oh shit! His teacher stalked him all the way to the club! I guess he's going to have to fuck her now. But wait, he's looking sick again and now he's headed for the door. Guess Niko hasn't managed to work up the courage to sing some Hewey Lewis, while spreading a tarp and preparing to axe her in the back. You know what? That would make an awesome car commercial.

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