Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Stupid Hippies

Let me paint you a picture. I ride a bike to work sometimes. In Boston. On Mass Ave, otherwise known as murder ave.

If you're not from Boston, I'll explain to you what this means. In essence, I'm a pussy-hating, faggot who has nothing better to do with his time than inconvenience some half-drunk asshole in a ghetto rocket on his way to court to dispute a DUI. And that's before I leave Cambridge, a place so hippy-friendly that you can practically smell the misguided, college activism in the air.

So here I am, riding along when a pair of alternative hipsters pass by on old-fashioned piece of shit bicycles. I could tell from the way they dressed and the dingy, pungent smell that emanated from their clothes that they were Mac owners. The only way I could be more sure was if they were wearing rectangular, black framed glasses and fitted jeans. Oh wait, they were.

I was dumb-fucking-struck by what they did next. They lazily peddled through cross traffic after blowing a red light, all the while having whatever kind of gay-ass conversation Mac owners in fitted jeans like to have and practically holding hands. A few cars beeped the rest just slammed on the breaks and let them ride on through like a goddamn funeral procession.

I checked the skyline to make sure I was still in Boston. Sure enough I was. Just what the fuck happened?

I was stunned. It was as if Jesus Christ himself laid off the celestial bong, rode down to earth on a horse made of tits and crapped in my face.

Holy shit I hate Mac people.

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